A walk to remember

I never thought I would end up here on Monday.
The last few weeks have been really rough in so many ways, and I needed to clear my head.

Normally after I finish my last exam, I feel an incredible sense of relief and liberation.
Not this time.

I handed in my last take-home on Monday, and I didn't even care. Summer is here, and I suddenly went from barely having enough time to sleep to not knowing how to fill my days. I need projects or work to keep me occupied so I don't dwell on certain things too much.

So on Monday, I walked from Yonge and Bloor to High Park to clear my head. I have four blisters on my feet to prove it. I felt like I was in a daze the entire time. That could have been because I wasn't wearing my glasses and couldn't really see or because I hadn't eaten all day. But I felt like if I slowed down or stopped, I wouldn't be able to keep going.


Life has been hurting my heart lately. I don't want to be one of those girls that cries and gets emotional all the time. But I guess I am one right now. It bothers me a little, but then i realized something. For the entire duration of my high school career, I was occupied with grades and projects and extra-curriculars. My life was a series of decisions made to help me get into university. It may have worked to my advantage, but looking back on those years, I might as well have been asleep the whole time. I may not have gotten hurt, but life was beige. I realized on my long and rather painful walk that even though my life may have gotten messier and harder, I would rather feel the pain than nothing at all. I would rather live.

And I'm so grateful for my amazing friends who can help me do that.

It's just one of those days

It's internship season, and the RCC is humming with job gossip.
CBC, CTV, TSN, Global, City, Omni all seem to be the buzz words of the moment among third-year j-schoolers.

And the other question of the day seems to be, "What are you doing this summer?"
Me: Shudder. Shrug shoulders. Mumble something incoherent. Avoid eye contact. Cry.
Ugh.
I have no job lined up for the summer, and it scares the shit out of me. I feel like a slacker, and I hate the looks I get when I tell people that I might be working retail, again. The store I work at has treated me well, don't get me wrong. But I feel so lacklustre and unambitious by working there again for the summer.

Retail has been an interesting experience, to say the least.

I met Peter Mansbridge twice when he came in to buy things for his son. I rang through Doug Gilmore's purchases at the register. I also served June Callwood, Jeanne Becker, and numerous MTV VJs. But the best celeb sighting by far was the one and only JK Rowling. She came into the store with her kids one day in October. Fan-freaking-tastic. We're not supposed to say anything when someone famous comes in, so it wasn't until after Rowling left that my coworker Catherine and I freaked out in girlish squeals and "oomgggggs!"

My other retail job was less star-filled, although Belinda Stronach did come in one day. But I don't think she really counts. My most notable day there was heading to Chinatown and Kensington Market to buy my boss an unscaled carp. Yes, unscaled carp, as in, a big stinky fish.
By the way, this was an eyeglasses store.
I wandered through Chinatown for at least an hour where no one took my query seriously or didn't understand my request. When I finally found a store that sold what I was looking for, I thought the salesman asked me if I wanted it scaled, and I said no.
Turns out he'd actually asked me if I wanted it killed. After I'd said no, he put the live fish in a plastic bag, its body flip-flopping and twitching like electrocuted jello. I panicked and told him, yes, please, kill it. So he then bashed the fish over the head with a wooden mallet. Then he put it into a clear plastic bag so the blood oozing from the carcass was visible for the entire Spadina streetcar to see.

As much fun as retail sounds, I'd like to branch out and do more this summer. I want to be challenged and excited with something new. Let's hope I get the chance.